English Skit on One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
The following was written 3 years ago for my grade 12 english class. For me, it was an excuse to yell as loud as I wanted and say "saucer people" without getting funny looks.
Bill: Straight Guy (Frank)
Richie: Police Officer
Steve: Crazed Friend of Straight Guy (Reggie)
Frank stands on the street, waiting for a bus. He checks his watch and takes a deep breath. His bus is late.
Frank: (looks up as if praying) Where is the bus?
Frank looks around and has his back to Reggie who comes running in. Reggie looks paranoid and is looking all around. He grabs Frank’s arm and spins him around.
Reggie: (frantically) Oh My God, Frank! Did you hear about the Indian who escaped from the looney bin last week?
Frank: What? What the hell are you talking about?
Reggie: The 10 foot tall Indian who broke out of the looney bin. He’s already killed 10 people and he kidnapped a polar bear!
Frank: (straight faced) That’s a terrible joke!
Reggie: No, I’m serious! I read it in the newspaper yesterday. It was front page news!
Frank: What newspaper?
Reggie: The World Newsly.
Frank: (laughing) The tabloid!?! That explains it. I thought you’d lost it for a second there.
Reggie: (upset) It’s not a tabloid. It’s a well written newspaper by top notch journalists who have documented evidence for every investigative report.
Frank: Did you memorize that from the cover? You need to get out more. Smell the air! (breaths in, exhales)
Reggie: Look, its all true! If you read the article too, you’d be worried just like me?
Frank: (sarcastically shocked) Worried? Oh my! (hands go to face) What did the article say Reggie? What did it say?
Reggie: It said that a 10 foot tall Indian, burst through the wall of the asylum. Just like the incredible hulk. Then he ran a truck off the road, killed the Mexican driver and sped off in the stolen car.
Frank: So, it’s just another escapee. Nobody bothers coming after an AWOL.
(Reggie shakes his head)
Frank: Besides he was probably one of those dumb ones. Can only walk around if you feed him.
(Reggie shakes his head)
Frank: (out of patience) Well It’s not like he killed anyone.
Reggie: (shouts) But he did! Killed 10 men! Killed a guy in the hospital to get out! Killed the Mexican! Then he killed 8 more people in the city! Painted the word Combine on the wall with their blood! (gross look on his face, paints words with his hand) It was totally gruesome and they said, he’s still on the rampage!
Frank: How come the police haven’t nabbed him yet? Wouldn’t they have tracked him down by know?
Reggie: If you read the article, Mr. Literary Masterpieces, you would have read that he’s been getting help.
Frank: Getting help?
(Reggie Nods)
Frank: From Who?
(Reggie looks around then leans in)
Reggie: (whispers) The Saucer People!
(Frank breaks out laughing. As he makes fun of Reggie, who looks deeply hurt, a policeman walks by)
Frank: Saucer People!?! OK. That’s all I need to hear! You’ve lost it!
(Frank sees the policeman)
Frank: Officer! Officer!
Cop: Why, Yes!
Frank: Have you heard anything about this escaped Indian?
Cop: Actually I have. I’ve been following the case closely.
Frank: Would you please set my friend straight? He read an article about it and now he’s gone nuts.
Cop: Well It’d be my pleasure. Well, son what did you read in the paper?
(Reggie takes a deep breath)
Reggie: (nervously yells out story as fast as he can) Well there was a giant 10 foot Indian and he burst through the wall like the hulk. ERRR! (does a Hulk pose) And then he picked this car up and threw it off the road, and then he killed the driver, and stole the car. But before he broke out he killed this guy stuffing a pillow down his throat with (slows to pronounce more clearly, while raising...) ONE FINGER so then he got to the city and he killed these 8 people with a hydro panel (makes a crushing motion with each number) 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 and then he took their blood and he wrote the word Combine on the wall and then he went to the zoo and let all the geese out. Nobody knows why he did what he did but he did what he did and the cops cant find him cause he’s getting help from the saucer people and he’s still out there!
During speech Frank checks his watch, rolls his eyes. The policeman is motionless. The Policeman remains silent for a moment to let it all sink in.
Cop: Hmmm. Saucer people? Killed with a hydro panel? Of course.
Reggie: SEE!
Frank: What?
Cop: Oh it’s true all right! Every word!
Frank: Really?
Cop: No! You’re friends a nutcase and he’s coming with me!
Reggie’s mouth drops, eyes wide open! He points at the cop!
Reggie: (In a low voice) Saucer Person!
The cop drags Reggie away as he pleads to Frank.
Reggie: Frank NO! ITS A SAUCER PERSON! HELP ME HELP ME!
Frank remains motionless.
Once the cop and Reggie are gone, Frank looks at his watch and says,
Frank: Where’s this damn bus!?!
THE END
Bill: Straight Guy (Frank)
Richie: Police Officer
Steve: Crazed Friend of Straight Guy (Reggie)
Frank stands on the street, waiting for a bus. He checks his watch and takes a deep breath. His bus is late.
Frank: (looks up as if praying) Where is the bus?
Frank looks around and has his back to Reggie who comes running in. Reggie looks paranoid and is looking all around. He grabs Frank’s arm and spins him around.
Reggie: (frantically) Oh My God, Frank! Did you hear about the Indian who escaped from the looney bin last week?
Frank: What? What the hell are you talking about?
Reggie: The 10 foot tall Indian who broke out of the looney bin. He’s already killed 10 people and he kidnapped a polar bear!
Frank: (straight faced) That’s a terrible joke!
Reggie: No, I’m serious! I read it in the newspaper yesterday. It was front page news!
Frank: What newspaper?
Reggie: The World Newsly.
Frank: (laughing) The tabloid!?! That explains it. I thought you’d lost it for a second there.
Reggie: (upset) It’s not a tabloid. It’s a well written newspaper by top notch journalists who have documented evidence for every investigative report.
Frank: Did you memorize that from the cover? You need to get out more. Smell the air! (breaths in, exhales)
Reggie: Look, its all true! If you read the article too, you’d be worried just like me?
Frank: (sarcastically shocked) Worried? Oh my! (hands go to face) What did the article say Reggie? What did it say?
Reggie: It said that a 10 foot tall Indian, burst through the wall of the asylum. Just like the incredible hulk. Then he ran a truck off the road, killed the Mexican driver and sped off in the stolen car.
Frank: So, it’s just another escapee. Nobody bothers coming after an AWOL.
(Reggie shakes his head)
Frank: Besides he was probably one of those dumb ones. Can only walk around if you feed him.
(Reggie shakes his head)
Frank: (out of patience) Well It’s not like he killed anyone.
Reggie: (shouts) But he did! Killed 10 men! Killed a guy in the hospital to get out! Killed the Mexican! Then he killed 8 more people in the city! Painted the word Combine on the wall with their blood! (gross look on his face, paints words with his hand) It was totally gruesome and they said, he’s still on the rampage!
Frank: How come the police haven’t nabbed him yet? Wouldn’t they have tracked him down by know?
Reggie: If you read the article, Mr. Literary Masterpieces, you would have read that he’s been getting help.
Frank: Getting help?
(Reggie Nods)
Frank: From Who?
(Reggie looks around then leans in)
Reggie: (whispers) The Saucer People!
(Frank breaks out laughing. As he makes fun of Reggie, who looks deeply hurt, a policeman walks by)
Frank: Saucer People!?! OK. That’s all I need to hear! You’ve lost it!
(Frank sees the policeman)
Frank: Officer! Officer!
Cop: Why, Yes!
Frank: Have you heard anything about this escaped Indian?
Cop: Actually I have. I’ve been following the case closely.
Frank: Would you please set my friend straight? He read an article about it and now he’s gone nuts.
Cop: Well It’d be my pleasure. Well, son what did you read in the paper?
(Reggie takes a deep breath)
Reggie: (nervously yells out story as fast as he can) Well there was a giant 10 foot Indian and he burst through the wall like the hulk. ERRR! (does a Hulk pose) And then he picked this car up and threw it off the road, and then he killed the driver, and stole the car. But before he broke out he killed this guy stuffing a pillow down his throat with (slows to pronounce more clearly, while raising...) ONE FINGER so then he got to the city and he killed these 8 people with a hydro panel (makes a crushing motion with each number) 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 and then he took their blood and he wrote the word Combine on the wall and then he went to the zoo and let all the geese out. Nobody knows why he did what he did but he did what he did and the cops cant find him cause he’s getting help from the saucer people and he’s still out there!
During speech Frank checks his watch, rolls his eyes. The policeman is motionless. The Policeman remains silent for a moment to let it all sink in.
Cop: Hmmm. Saucer people? Killed with a hydro panel? Of course.
Reggie: SEE!
Frank: What?
Cop: Oh it’s true all right! Every word!
Frank: Really?
Cop: No! You’re friends a nutcase and he’s coming with me!
Reggie’s mouth drops, eyes wide open! He points at the cop!
Reggie: (In a low voice) Saucer Person!
The cop drags Reggie away as he pleads to Frank.
Reggie: Frank NO! ITS A SAUCER PERSON! HELP ME HELP ME!
Frank remains motionless.
Once the cop and Reggie are gone, Frank looks at his watch and says,
Frank: Where’s this damn bus!?!
THE END
posted by Phantom at 7:02 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home